Everyday Evil Villains
29Mar2006
Following on from my Everyday Superhero post, I decided to think about those individuals I meet on a day to day basis that I would class as everyday evil villains. This is what I came up with:
Villain #1: (Mad) Catwoman
Alias: Tabby-tha of the Nine Lives
Powers: Has the ability to overwhelm you with furry felines, cover you in cat hair and irritate you with catnip. Oh, and I forgot to mention her big, hairy pussy. (That’s her evil sidekick – get your mind out of the gutter).
Villain #2: LaneChanger
Alias: Cutup Man
Powers: Criss-crosses traffic in his Hyundai, causing havoc among the commuting public – especially those on scooters, and especially at rush hour. Also has the ability to replicate himself – particularly on Sundays.
Villain #3: MushroomCloudLady
Alias: AtomoWoman or Megaton-ia
Powers: This lady blows up at every opportunity. She has the capacity to go ballistic with little or no provocation – she is like a mini nuclear explosion. Avoiding the fallout is very difficult.
Villain #4: Checkout Charlie
Alias: The Register Rambler
Powers: Extremely insidious. Takes so long in front of you at the supermarket checkout at lunchtime that you either a) die of boredom or b) decide to skip lunch and just get back to the office. A slow death by starvation follows.
And a potential evil sidekick: the Designer Yapper – aka Fifi – a toy dog (probably a Yorkie) who lives in an LV handbag fitted out with full A/C, and barks at you with ear-splitting ferociousness, or nips at your ankles with diamond-encrusted teeth. Not quite as annoying as Scrappy-Doo, but almost.
Great blog today TOM! You have quite the wicked sense of humor today . . . . .
Here is my evil villian today: Mr-I-Am-Going-To-Burn-Your-Nostril-Hairs.
I was sipping my latte when I started reading, and snorted foam out my nose when I got to Mad Catwoman’s evil sidekick.
Before I proceeded, I had to set the latte down and wipe my face and keyboard off, then resisted the urge to pick it back up until I was through reading.
Thanks, Tom, you made my day once again, see ya later, need to head to the Doctor now to take care of the internal blisters up my nose.
I have a villain everyday at work, I would call her Mrs Self-pitius selfishius! Today it was the one hundred drugs the opthalmologist prescribed for her eyelid-(invisible to common eye)-inflammation. A villain to herself I wouldn’t mind, but I have to listen…
I think I want to thank you for the inspiration! It’s like a phantasy sharpening that I wanted!
ironically, I had iTunes playing while reading your blog. The song- “Kryptonite” by 3 Doors Down.
Keep up the good work with the pictures.
I think Checkout Charlie is infamous. He must be everywhere.
Evil Villain: DMV Dominatrix
Holds long lines of motorists captive in hard plastic chairs, as she answers her e-mail and chats with her boyfriend on the telephone. Don’t these people have supervisors?
doo dah – apologies for any nasal scarring you may incur – I appreciate the comments !
e.i. – I know someone like that – best thing to do is just smile and nod and think of something else. As for inspiration – it’s actually mostly perspiration on my part
rwales – and that’s a good song too – a pity because I am not a fan of the album cover.
mckenzie – yes, omnipresent.
rebecca – in Bermuda we call that the TCD – Transport Control Department, so it would be the TCD Terror here.
evil villian: french bureaucrats
aka “le rubber stampers”
yes it’s true you don’t meet them every day but every time i need to sort out anything “official”, my life is shoterned by at least 5 years. if that doesn’t qualify as a villian, i vow to hold up every supermarket checkout line for the rest of my already shortened life!
Yes indeed…I think we have all had encounter with these folks.
ok, I am having TomQ withdrawals.
I miss your blog today
My morning ritual was not the same, I feel half undone. . . .
Caught your comment, nice ta meetcha too, hope I didnt skeerya too much. LOL
frozen ananas – le ruuber stampers is a great set of evil villains…
jasp – thanks
doo dah – it’s in the pipeline