Tailspin
23Mar2006
I am hopping on a plane this morning to head back to Bermuda.
This is the usual sequence of events for me on board:
- I will doze off as soon as the seat belt light goes on…
- only to wake myself up 20 minutes later with the 110 decibel blast of one of my own snores…
- as I take my head off my neighbour’s shoulder only to notice that I have slobbered a stream of saliva down his/her suit…
- at which point I jerk myself up suddenly..
- only to find that my neck has seized from sleeping in that odd position, and I now can’t look anyone in the eye…
- including the air stewardess who is now ignoring my gestures for a drink to help my dry throat…
- which I have to clear loudly in protest at the world’s most annoying traveller in the row in front of me who pushes their seat back so far that my knees are against my chest…
- which is pounding because a fixture on the emergency exit door is rattling noisily causing me to panic about our chances of crashing…
- making me hope that the life preserver under my seat isn’t one of those ones they can only use for pets…
- making me wonder if airport security will stop and strip search me to try and find the stiletto heels I want to brandish rebelliously as I slide down the emergency slide…
- making me question why they still bother to demonstrate how to open & close seatbelts when pretty much everyone in the world must have been on a plane by now and just ignores the demonstration anyway…
- making me ask myself why the bags of pretzels they hand out have been designed by midgets for midgets…
- causing me to speculate as to why those stewardess call button bells sound like old Atari games consoles…
- making me feel very sleepy and sending me off into a deep slumber…
- only to wake myself up 20 minutes later with the 110 decibel blast of one of my own snores…
I liked your pictures a lot, nice!
You bring back so many fond memories of my many hours of business travel – NOT!
Thanks for the Friday morning smile
Pehaps only one more thing could be added to this post:
– listen to a crying baby and getting upset with a mother who completely ignore it …
HA! I hit every one of those, except I dont snore. . . . . .
Great photo of the plane, nice angle.
Doo Dah
oh, and I have opened the photo blog at fresheyeballs.blogspot come and see what you think
greetings Tom! nice photos
will link your flikr site on my photoblog
i went to Bermuda back (way back!) in ’93 … all i remember is the beautiful (pink) beaches, cycling from one end to t’other, & of course the music! soundsystems blaring out reggae, calypso, & of course soca! Had a brilliant time, & will indeed head back one day!
cheers for reinvigorating my memories!
MrC
(make sure you click my name & check out my photoblog when you get a chance … i’m from Cornwall in the UK, & take photos of the area, flora, sunsets, & random bits!)
I alays wondered who these people were who managed to board a plane and fall asleep straight away !
You forgot the bit about when the stewardess plonks an excuse for a meal telling you that your choice is not available and if you dont like it she will report you for air rage
Karl-axel/jane dough – thanks.
doo dah – you only know you snore if you wake yourself up with a snore. If you snore relatively quietly, you may never know
Nice photos, BTW
mrc – not much has changed. I checked out your photos – nice site.
Jasp – most of my flights are cattle-class on US carriers – the pretzels are the meal!
Thanks all for the comments
woa…i am sad…i have never fly whit plane,well i am young,but…
And if you really think about the germ spread with the recycled air and close confinement and all, the toll on one’s physical and mental health, I saw we all just take submarines.
By the way, what kind of cat is Hamish? He’s absolutely gorgeous… You should start a Hamish fan club. We could all learn about what he thinks of the weather, or dust mites, or know that he’s dreaming. I’m only half kidding!
Perhaps I’ve been driven off my rocker a bit since my own kitty of 18 years just died.
Great post. I am still laughing!
Ont the way back from Cabo San Lucas, where we had our honeymoon, wenxcye sat in front of a kid who strummed noisily on a guitar-not in the good way- the whole way back. What made things worse is that we had splurged for fist class.
“as I take my head off my neighbour’s shoulder only to notice that I have slobbered a stream of saliva down his/her suit…”
Aha Gotcha! So you were that guy who ruined my Armani last October! You can run but you can’t hide.
meow – what kind of cat is Hamish – he is of the lazy kind, combined with some sort of tabby-ness. Hmmm, the Hamish Fan Club sounds like some sort of Scottish Punk Rock group – I like it. Time to go off and craft an album cover for them…
mini driver – I would have asked him if he knew Summer Holiday by Cliff Richard – if he said yes, you could have replied ‘good – you strum it and I’ll kick your teeth in’…(a slightly mofified line taken from the Young Ones
Adam – guilty as charged. Send me the dry cleaning bill so I can dribble all over that too…
Heh, funny stuff.
Do you ever wonder who the sadistic bastard is that designed the airplane bathroom. He/She hated tall people.
well gosh darn golly. i used those words incase your site is PG13.
i think i must be a bit backward. never in my life have i been on an airplane. im 19, live in australia and im 10 minutes from an airport. how strange and unusual i am now discovering…
i found your site a few days back. very nice indeed. you’ve made it on to my daily check list!
I was in Bermuda in 2002. The best place on earth. Truly a gods gift to man.
I am going to be flying tommorow. I hope you won’t be there to drool on me
kaku – how right you are. I hate airplane bathrooms. Especially their confusing door mechanisms and alien-like vacuum flushing noises
thumbtack – not a problem. I guess my assumption that everyone has flown is way wrong. But why tell people how to use seatbelts? They are less complex than car safety belts, and you don’t get a 5 minute how-to whenever you rent a car.
mtnmama/mrjack – thanks!
mini driver – have a nice trip. I may not be drooling on you, but you could take up the baton and drool on someone else for me!
I will think about it. Usually too nervous to sleep.
I used to be the lady who slept all eighteen hours of the flight and got miffed when the stewardess woke me up for dinner. Now I’m the mom with three bags, three preschoolers and a baby, trying to keep up with the demand for Goldfish snacks while pubicly breastfeeding an infant to stave off the inevitable screaming. Ah, the good old days.
I enjoyed the string of events
great writing
Bermuda…hmmm..I am hopping in to my car trying to avoid the snow…Springtime in sweden!
Enjoyed what I saw. Will keep watching. Check out.
http://garyjin.blogspot.com
Especially liked the truck parked at the weeds. Sport futility for sure.
Gary
rebecca kerr – you know you love it. I only sleep 18 hours on a plane if I have help from my old friends G & T.
pierce – thanks for the comment.
kapple – I hope your car is one of those aquatic ones, otherwise you won’t get far!
gary – thanks – nice blog(s).
You’re funny!
You have amazing pictures
Hi, I like your blog very much! Nice sense of humour, choice of words, beautiful photos!
To continue on with the airplane ‘bathroom’ discussion – I was recently on a plane and the stewardesses/stewards kept on going in and out of that tiny contraption, before and after which they would be preparing our snacks and drinks. I suppose health codes go out the window on planes.
Very fun read!
anon/theresa/e.i. – thanks !
nikki – I am hoping nothing goes aout the window on planes – that would make me very scared indeed
glad to see a warrior visionary out there in the business world of Bermuda. Thnks