Extreme Sports
1Apr2006
One of the several website projects I have been keeping busy on outside of work is about to come to fruition – The Bermuda Masters 2006. The event starts tomorrow and will keep me busy for the rest of the week.
This allows me to combine two of my favourite pursuits – web development and squash. Ok, so that may make me sound like a bit of a nerd, but according to the test I am just a nerd wannabe.
Squash is one of those sports that people either love or know nothing about. Why do I play?
- It keeps me fit. Forbes magazine rated it as the top sport in a survey of the ‘Ten Healthiest Sports’
- It gets me out of bed. I train at 7am twice a week on top of my playing – with training partner and new blogger Gavin
- It is competitive. I am a very competitive person, and having two people battling it out in a small box is tough stuff.
The other thing about squash is that it is a real sport – not one of those ‘kewl‘ activities made up to allow Mountain Dew to promote their beverage products to young adults. You know the sports I mean – the ones which look like their names have been created by a pimply teenager using a cellphone text message – SnoCross, Moto X, SNB X. Maybe they should start with with a SPELNG B?
If I were to invent an extreme sport, it would have to be more useful to society. Here are some suggestions:
1. Beach Ogling
This would be a men’s event. The competitors would have sexy, scantily-clad women paraded in front of them. The one who ogled for the shortest time, or managed to pretend to ignore the beauties altogether would win the medal. Those wearing sunglasses to hide their ogling would score extra points.
2. Speed Key Finding
This would be a women’s event. The competitors would be presented with a big bunch of keys in a large handbag full of ‘women’s things’. The one who managed to open a door 20 meters away first would win the medal. Those actually taking the keys out of the handbag before arriving at the door would win extra points.
3. Endurance Staring
This would be open to both men and women. The principle here is simple – the competitors would just have to stare each other out. I think that would be fun, and it would also level the playing field as far as population and budget are concerned. The one who stared for the longest without blinking would win. Men who excel at this discipline generally don’t do too well in the Ogling event.
4. Speed Cash Withdrawing
This would be open to both men and women. The competitors would be given the task of withdrawing $20 from an ATM machine. The one who managed to come away from the ATM cleanly with the money (i.e. not forgetting their card, wallet or bag in the process) would win the medal. Those who forgot the PIN number or decided to pay bills during the task would be penalised.
What extreme sport would you invent?
I nominate XScan, a competition for supermarket cashiers, where the goal is to check out an overflowing cart of groceries as quickly as possible.
Bonus points are awarded for fast coupon handling. “Style” points are added for pleasantries exchanged with annoying, finger-tapping customers and for bagging technique.
Penalties are assessed for having to look up the mysterious root vegetable and for having to call the manager on the intercom. Additional penalties are assessed for unintelligible mumbling of “paper or plastic.”
Costume falls under “style” and includes technique for key-holding (on that spiral wrist band?) as well as color coordination between cashier apron and personal clothes.
All the major supermarket chains would sponsor athletes. Spring training would take place just before the Thanksgiving rush. FOX sports would televise the XScan Games, live.
My life would be better.
I am not sure what sort of sport I would invent, but I am certain that I could win the key sport.
I think, maybe, you’re too clever for your own good. LOL
curiosity and I practice the staring one. if you can out stare a cat you can out stare anyone.
I nominate the Shut the Screaming Child Up athon (we can work on the name)–fastest person to shut the kid up wins–no prop used gets extra points.
Desert competition: boys will be contestents and girls be jury who are also to bring champagne. whoever makes the girl(s) fall in love (or just in love with the desert) before the champagne is finished wins.
btw, every muscle in my body is in pain due to one hour of squash playing yesterday, i prefer to be on the jury of a desert contest for a change.
Ana
I actually played squash once – it was OK…
I would suggest the:
First Annual Gossip Games 2006.
Competitors will be both male and female. A special selection of people will start rumors (true or false) and each competitor will be judged by how many people they can spread it to around the office in the shortest amount of time. The person who tells the least amount of co-workers in the alotted time wins.
Bonus points will be awarded to those who are grilled for information or details and don’t crack under the pressure and for letting the subject(s)of the rumor know that there are things going around.
Points will be deducted for:
-spilling the beans to a
group of two or more
-embellishing the rumor to make it juicier
-acting like they know nothing when questioned by the subject(s) of the rumor
Let the games begin
Speed Errands.
Open to men and women. You’re given a set amount of errands to run and then the clock starts… But you can’t go until you are 10 minutes behind. Whoever can get the errands done first, wins. Extra points for finishing on time and for not freaking out when you get behind every person who drives waaaay under the speed limit. Points deducted when you pass those people, flashing “sign language” and yelling something about their mothers.
If you ask my best friend’s future husband, marriage to her is an extreme sport.
Living with parents is another one,
and if I had to invent one,
it would be Chocolate bulking down slowly. Those who eat just one piece at a swallow and not the whole thing, are the definite winners!
sporty chick – I love the idea of XScan – I wish I had thought of it.
mckenzie – yes, I may be
mini driver – I find whisky always helps shut up a screaming child.
anavahavana – anything which involves champagne is good.
author312 – it’s a great game – underrated by most.
allykay – LOL. That would go down really well here on Bermuda – Gossip Central.
aimee – I am always in one of those competitions.
e.i. – Not sure about the marriage as an extreme sport, although I guess it is for some. I try to avoid chocolate for the obvious reasons…
I could get into these extreme sports…
How about… not listening in to a conversation championship.
For both male and female where they are in public domain and hear either a recognizable name or topic at another table. They try to ignore it and actually listen to the person they are with…who may or may not be boring.
XScan cool that is a great one.
I love the Gossip game competition….