Under the Microscope

10Apr2006

Well, now the squash is over I can get back to my usual (almost) daily routine of blog-posting. Apologies for the disruption – normal service should now be resumed.

I had to make a trip to the hospital the other day for an MRI. I think I have actually been for one before, but the last time I went I was severely concussed (yes, I was in my Clumso role at the time), so I could not remember much about that visit. This time I was lucid, sober, and therefore able to recall the details of my visit.

There were a few thing that triggered the old brain synapses, which had nothing to do with the MRI itself, as it was only my ankle being examined in the big torpedo launcher.

  1. Manufacturer Advertising. The machine was emblazoned with it’s manufacturer’s logo. What’s all that about then? Do they think an MRI lab is an effective advertising medium? Do they think that someone lying on the table will think ‘I could do with one of these machines at home! I need a GE!’ – I don’t think so. And I don’t think I have enough spare change for it anyway – especially as I was told off for having spare change in my gown in an MRI lab anyway…but maybe there’s a real status thing about MRI machines like there is in the world of automobiles? Imagine the jibes at MRI conferences: “I’ve got a GE 3.0T – you’ve only got a Siemens Espree!”

  2. The Noise. Now, I don’t know about you, but a machine that makes a racket that sounds like a giant ogre running through the undergrowth in the middle of an air-raid by a squadron of stukas doesn’t instil me with much confidence. You think that in this day and age they would have a machine which did all that technical stuff in silence? Or at least made more comforting noises, like kittens mewing, or baby seals being clubbed to death? As it is, I was offered headphones with a selection of different types of music to listen to, but they didn’t explain it was to drown out the sound. If I had known, I would have picked the death thrash metal rather than the classical, because Brahms just wasn’t loud enough to obliterate the stukas…

  3. The Dress Code. As I mentioned, I was only having an MRI of my ankle, but I still had to undress to my smalls and then put on a ridiculous hospital robe. OK, so admittedly I put it on the wrong way round initially, and was told off for that. But I thought – what difference does it make which way round my robe is? Does the machine care? Does it affect my results? Or do they just like making me look stupid? I think I know the answer to that one.

  4. The Sleep Factor. After about 6 minutes I snoozed off, mainly because I was a bit short of sleep, but I came out thinking that maybe they should just drug anyone who needs an MRI so the whole thing goes painlessly. It means they wouldn’t have to bother with fancy music (there’s got to be a whole licensing thing around that as well), the noise would not bother you because you would be out cold, and the staff could re-position you at will if they needed a different angle (I am thinking King Tut pose). The manufaturer could also dispense with the big logo as no-one except the operator would see it anyway – that would save money and may enable more clinics to be able to afford the machines in the first place…

After all that thinking my head started to hurt, and now I think I may have to go back for a brain scan, but at least they only need to look at my little toe for that…

9 Responses to “Under the Microscope”

  1. I slept through my recent knee MRI, the one where they played the wrong thing on the headphones. NO NO NO, I didn’t ask for show tunes, so the only escape was to snooze. Unfortunately, my sleep twitches doubled my time in the tube. In hindsight, not such a great idea. Next time, I agree, ask for heavy metal music to stay awake.

    And just what did you do to yourself anyway?

  2. sportychick – MRIs are just bad. I am wondering if there is a homeopathic equivalent? Oh, and my ankle injury is from from playing too much squash…no surprises there, I guess…

  3. The question is how would they put you to sleep? Bad music? Aunt Edna’s vacation slide shows? Fancy medication? A couple shots of whiskey? Depending on the technique used and the resistance of the patient to that specific it might end up costing the hospital even more money… especially if someone ends up filing a pain and suffering lawsuit after being exposed to too many vacation slides. ;)

  4. Dr Bob – I’m thinking some sort of sedative. They have so many of those around a hospital anyway…

  5. Never having an MRI myself I can’t comment on much. I just wanted to know if the clubbing of baby seals was a more peaceful sound than tromping ogres. If so, where can I pick up a CD?

  6. Prickly :-)

  7. You can request sedation for an MRI. It takes a little longer and you cannot drive yourself home. You do have to have medical clearance, as if you were going for surgery, i.e. people over the age of 50 would have to have an EKG done, your medical history given, nothing to eat or drink 8 hours prior. All of that sort of stuff. Most times it’s just easier to suck it up and be miserable for 45 minutes.

  8. AllyKay – I hear you can pick those CDs up in Canada…

    Jasp – very !

    Summer – thanks – very illuminating. Next time I may just opt for that, or do what I did on my first visit and plan to be unconscious anyway…

  9. MRIs are bizarre things. I can’t say that listening to music would have helped me. The clunking at least told me that I wasn’t entombed.

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