No Ice
18Dec2006
Christmas in Bermuda means parties. Lots of them. One of the downsides of that is the post-party hangover. If you are drinking cocktails or shorts, it is often worsened when bartenders fill the glass with ice.
I used to be a bartender, I know why it is done – to maximise profits. But it also maximises the pounding in my head the next morning. The other strange thing about the whole ice thing – if you order a drink without ice, it invariably takes longer to make. The conversation generally goes like this:
Me: “Three Gin & Tonics please, one with no ice”
Waiter: “Yes, Sir”
5 minutes later, waiter returns with two drinks – the ones with ice – the one with no ice is MIA:
Me: “Where is the other G+T?”
Waiter: “They are just making it now”
Which raises the question – why does it take longer?
- Are they waiting for the ice to melt?
- Are they looking through their cocktail books for “Gin & Tonic No Ice” recipes?
- Are they working out how to give less tonic and still make it look like you are getting your money’s worth?
Answers on a barmat, please.
Hmmmm… how to find a good answer to that?
Nietzsche, for whom reality is purely subjective, would reply: “Relax dude it’s all in your mind.”
Purrrhaps: (Hamish, another great philosopher, would propose) removing whiskers from a drink with more liquid is quite laborious.
Possibly, of all possible possibilities (as I have recently been reading too much Stephen Hawking), the unexpected shift in drink temperature distorts the time-space-continuum, producing an energy-relative deficit, leading to a time-relative positive shift in drink fabrication duration.
Homoland security is clear about one thing: such divergent behavior needs an extra security check. At least.
Homer Simpson: “Give me another!”
Franz Kafka would argue: “But of course: Because it does.”
Pierre de Fermat once wrote, “I have a beautiful solution to this problem, but it does not quite fit on this barmat.”