Paradise Found

The last few weeks have seen me caught up in a cleaning frenzy as I move apartment. Cleaning is a tiring exercise, but also very rewarding – it has real tangible results. One of the things about cleaning is that if you do it in a concerted fashion you soon come to realise some key truths:

1) Tilex cleans anything
And that’s a fact. I think that the ingredients of Tilex Mold & Mildew Remover are basically the remnants of some 1960’s Agent Orange rebranded. If there is ever a stain on a tile or wall or piece of metal, Tilex will remove it it seconds. Add in the comforting fact that the fumes will clean out your nasal passages in less than 2 minutes and you have a potent home cleaning weapon. The only product which comes close is Goo Gone…

2) There is a product for anything
Whilst I was boxing up all 300 or so of my aerosol and cleaning products (I am a target market, after all, I noticed that I had a can of both Easy Off and Easy On. I just hope that I never get them confused. Now I am just looking for a product which cleans the – oh, it doesn’t matter, I just found it.

3) Vacuums + Ants = Fun
Bermuda has ants, or ants have Bermuda – I cannot work out which. Anyway, the easy solution to ant infestations involves a long-hosed vacuum on full suction. Those little blighters can sure hold on for a long time in what must the equivalent of a category ten hurricane. OK, it’s not a long-term solution, but it means you can repeat the fun again and again…

4) Febreze is for girls
Yes, it smells nice. But a real man prefers the smell of industrial bleach (aka Tilex). And, following on from the above – Febreze doesn’t even kill ants!

5) Cleaning naked in the dark is dangerous
You really need daylight for heavy-duty cleaning. I figured I would experiment and try and clean in the pitch dark – why? Because my vacuum cleaner has this little headlight on it and I wondered why. It turns out that it just isn’t powerful enough for a full-on night-time cleaning exercise. And I stubbbed my toes and banged my head several times. I bet if Dyson made a vacuum cleaner with a headlight it would be zome sort of xenon high-beam 2000-lumen affair which would blind the ants before vaporizing them.