Paradise Found

OK, here”s a disclaimer up front: I am married, and have owned a boat, so I feel more than suitably qualified to talk about those two subjects, but having only been a father for two weeks, maybe I am not best qualified to talk about babies. But, I have been an expectant father for the nine months before that, so here goes ….

There is a real similarity between boats, babies and weddings. Before you ask, it is nothing to do with the number of tears shed or the amount of alcohol consumed. It is all about the effect of putting the word “boat” (or “marine”), “baby” or “wedding” as a prefix to any other word. Some examples:

• paint is $20, but boat paint is $200
• cake is $50, but a wedding cake is $500

Add the word “baby” to any day-to-day item and you can quadruple the price (at least), and that doesn’t account for the fact that you get much less for your money, because it is smaller. So a baby blanket costs twice as much as a normal one even though it is a fifth of the size. It must be that nice embroidered duck that costs all the extra cash. Baby shoes cost an arm and a leg for less leather than I have in the tongue of one of my shoes (admittedly, my feet are pretty big). And special scented trash bags to put your used nappies in are a tenth of the size of a normal trash bag for twice the price. But they do smell lovely.

But I am not bitter. It is all worth it. My Scottish blood just comes to the surface whenever I have to spend money on anything, let alone something which is overpriced.

Two of the best examples of the wedding effect are shown in these two BBC comedy sketches – wedding cake and wedding flowers.